Super Gender Roles - Who Am I? (part 4)

Like I said I was an inquisitive and imaginative little kid, but I was different. I liked superheroes. I really liked superheroes. Even before I had real friends, I played make-believe which now that I think about it is basically Live Action Role Playing, but when you’re kids it’s more socially acceptable which is something I learned on my own as I transitioned into junior high. At the time I was really into X-Men and Teen Titans, but all the girls had the super cool super powerful powers. Jean Grey and Raven have telepathy and telekinesis. Starfire can fly and shoot lasers. Shadowcat can walk through walls. Storm can control the freaking weather. Even the Invisible Woman has the best powers of the Fantastic Four. There was even an episode of X-Men Evolution that was basically an anthem of girl power and I loved it. What could the boys do? Anything the girls can do but with severe limitations in comparison. Professor X has telepathy but not telekinesis and is in wheelchair. The Thing, Beast, and Nightcrawler all hate their appearance and try to hide it. Cyclops needs his special ruby glasses to keep his powers under control.  Robin doesn’t have any powers (but I still loved him, and wanted to be him for Halloween, except we weren’t allowed to celebrate the only day it would have been socially acceptable for me to go outside in a cape and a mask). Spider-Man was my absolute favorite: smart, witty, fast, strong, thwip-thwip web shooters swing from the skyscrapers of NYC. If I had to be a superhero of my gender, I would want to be Spider-Man, but when it came to creating my own superhero, I chose all the powers that the girls had so I also adopted some of their other attributes when I imitated their powers. Like Kitty’s like total valley girl accent like totally.

Imaginary Self - Who Am I? (Part 3)

As I left off in part 2, when I was little I wanted to be a prince. This was the start of my imagination adventures that I still go on to escape the boredom of reality. It's why I have always seemed so content in silence and so patient. I never really had imaginary friends. I had an imaginary reality that I entered to entertain myself. And it was all in my head, I didn't tell anyone or verbalized the dialogue running through my mind like I was directing and acting in a tv show. So I could be getting a haircut or just sitting on the floor staring at unplugged fan and no one would know that I had left this reality. The only physical thing I really did was use my two fingers to run as my characters were moving. For this post I'm going to psychoanalyze my four-year-old-self and see how this fictional world I created reflected one of the fundamental aspects of my personality and how that made me vulnerable to depressing and suicidal thoughts.

So the first character I created was named Silver. He was a prince with yet-to-be defined magical powers and his weapon was a whip. But instead of this being my imaginary friend, he was my idealized self.