What Would Jesus Wear - Who Am I? (Part 2)

So as I left off in Part 1, I struggled with my gender identity. Of course back then I didn't know what gender identity was so I was just plain confused about everything and I had no way of getting answers because I didn't even know what questions to ask.  Now, I was born male, and I was fine with that. I didn't even know what transgender was at the time, and then when I learned about it, it was something I seriously considered, but I have decided that I'm not exactly transgendered since I still mostly identify with being male.

So yeah, I was a boy who wanted to be a boy, but the struggle was that I didn't fit in with the other boys. I wasn't built for sports and that seemed like the only thing my brother and all the other boys at my school wanted to do. I was awkward
and uncoordinated, and I was trying to keep up with my brother who was three years older than me. I just couldn't do it. So rather than try and fail, I quit. I quit trying to do sports, but I still wanted to be a boy, but I was losing out on all that testosterone bonding. And if all the boys were playing basketball, then that left me alone with all the girls. And I was ok with that. Girls are freaking awesome. I just didn't want to be one exactly. (I've really grown fond of not bleeding uncontrollably every month.) I just got a long better with them and had more fun with them. So I guess in a way I went from not liking boys enough to liking them "too much" and girls have always just been my BFFs. I don't want to say that I was gay at an age younger than puberty because I think that should still be a time of blissful ignorance of any form of sexuality: gay, straight, or anything in between. If you're like ten or younger (age will vary by individuals), you're not gay or straight. You're a freaking kid so act like one that doesn't have to worry about how screwed up the world is yet with all it's obsessive labeling compulsions. You have the rest of your life to deal with that. So let's let the kids who still have the luxury of nap times nap, shall we?

There was this one time when I was like between three and five, my parents made me play with a neighbor girl. She had Barbie dolls. It was the most excruciating experience of my little life. I was so fucking bored that my head started to burn like it does when I'm in uncomfortable situations that I don't know how to escape. So dolls. Not for me. Animal transforms, hell yeah. I had a shark. Sharks were so cool. And from early on I always wanted to be a prince. Not a princess. Although I was wearing a silver skirt/dress outfit thing in my imagination, which now that I think about it was influenced from all the picture Bible stories from Sunday School of Moses and Joseph and Jesus. That was literally the only time in my life that I wanted to crossdress. And I'm in the House of Sir Winston Churchill (a fraternity type system at my college). And as everyone at my college knows, Churchillians are notorious for volunteering to crossdress, usually for plays, but you know, sometimes not. So yes, I can blame the Church for making me want to wear a dress when I was like 4 years old. So yeah, I knew I was a boy. I knew I wanted to be a boy, but I didn't see myself as a boy according to what the world told me a boy should be. Something was missing...