Super Gender Roles - Who Am I? (part 4)

Like I said I was an inquisitive and imaginative little kid, but I was different. I liked superheroes. I really liked superheroes. Even before I had real friends, I played make-believe which now that I think about it is basically Live Action Role Playing, but when you’re kids it’s more socially acceptable which is something I learned on my own as I transitioned into junior high. At the time I was really into X-Men and Teen Titans, but all the girls had the super cool super powerful powers. Jean Grey and Raven have telepathy and telekinesis. Starfire can fly and shoot lasers. Shadowcat can walk through walls. Storm can control the freaking weather. Even the Invisible Woman has the best powers of the Fantastic Four. There was even an episode of X-Men Evolution that was basically an anthem of girl power and I loved it. What could the boys do? Anything the girls can do but with severe limitations in comparison. Professor X has telepathy but not telekinesis and is in wheelchair. The Thing, Beast, and Nightcrawler all hate their appearance and try to hide it. Cyclops needs his special ruby glasses to keep his powers under control.  Robin doesn’t have any powers (but I still loved him, and wanted to be him for Halloween, except we weren’t allowed to celebrate the only day it would have been socially acceptable for me to go outside in a cape and a mask). Spider-Man was my absolute favorite: smart, witty, fast, strong, thwip-thwip web shooters swing from the skyscrapers of NYC. If I had to be a superhero of my gender, I would want to be Spider-Man, but when it came to creating my own superhero, I chose all the powers that the girls had so I also adopted some of their other attributes when I imitated their powers. Like Kitty’s like total valley girl accent like totally.

Therapy Tactics on Gender Identity and Gender Roles

Coming out as transgender or genderqueer is similar to Coming Out as I mentioned in last week's post. What's different is that there's a lot more transphobia than homophobia even within the gay community as well as there being a lesser understanding of gender compared to sexuality. Gender is who you are. Sexuality is who you want to fuck.  It's sad that we understand and accept lust more than people. The world today is such a hyper-sexualized place that everyone understands what homosexuality is because we're all horny as fuck and don't know how to keep it in our pants. You don't have to agree with it to understand why someone would want to fuck someone else regardless of gender.

Artistic Tips: Inspiration and Thought Process (part 2)

Continuing from the last post moving to other poem for this week.

"I Think, That's What Makes Me A Man"
So this poem plays off of "I think therefore I am" as I think about what it means to be a man.
I tried to figure out what it means to be a man by looking at the "checklist" that society had made. But you know, being mostly gay makes it mostly hard to match that list. And if that's what it means to be a man, then maybe I don't want to be.

To be a man or to be at all. I wouldn't mind blinking out of existence. Not stop existing i.e. death. But rather never existing at all i.e. never have been born. But that's not really an option, to my knowledge. So yeah, by my biological sex I identify as a man. But that doesn't quite sit right with me.

There's nothing new under the sun, so the words I'm writing, the thoughts I'm thinking, what I am -there's nothing new about all that, but why I write, what I do with my thoughts, who I am - that's all absolutely unique. So what I am is a man, but who I am? I'm not so sure.

So the part about my likes and dislikes goes back to Bridgit Mendler's song "Postcard." I like some guy things and some girl things, but I also don't like some boy things and I don't like some girl things.

I know myself and I can exist just fine even if I don't fit your definition of who I am suppose to be.

Artistic Tips: Inspiration and Thought Process (part 1)

There's nothing new under the sun. Everything is a remake of a remake of a remake. That's life. That's what we have to work with, but we can work with it. For poetry, for any writing, for any art, there's always a muse, a source of inspiration.

These two poems were inspired by the song "Postcard" by Bridgit Mendler. (Take a listen here. This was just the first thing when you google the song.) I loved the spirit and message of the song. It's about breaking down oppressive gender stereotypes. It's in the spirit of the "Like A Girl" campaign that you might have seen during the SuperBowl. Girls can play sports and run and throw and hit just as well as boys. But this song takes the necessary next step. At about 1:14 in that video, it talks about the flip side. Boys can like fashion and ballet. It doesn't make them gay or less of a boy. So that really struck a cord with me. So there were a few words that stuck out and really connected with me and I just went with it.

"Transition"
When I think about traditional gender roles and what boys and girls should do, I think about fairy tales. Knights saving damsel in distress. Until more recently, that was the gist of it. Girls need macho boys to save them. Boy need to be big and strong so they can have girl they want. But that's not reality. You grow up and realize that the world is a pretty messed up place and everything you learned when you were little was a lie: Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, Till Death Do Us Part.

Then I thought about how those fairy tales translate into what we as little kids dream about and what if I, as a boy, wanted the same things girls dreamt about. For the record, I didn't really want to crossdress, but you can read about how Jesus made me want to crossdress here. But I do like fashion, accessories, jewelry, and I do want to be the one to be proposed to, and I do have my dream wedding planned with white roses and vanilla cake.

And then from dreaming, I contrasted what "boyish" things I didn't like with what "girly" things I did like. From the song I got the idea of sports and getting dirty and ballet. But everything in this stanza is true of me.

The closing stanza is reflecting on the chorus of the song: "So what make you think that it's girls/boys only, no boys/girls allowed?" Boys will be boys and girls will be girls. And that's fine. But not all boys and not all girl will be like that. And that's also fine. Your chromosomes don't define your identity and what you like or don't like. #YouDoYou

(Other poem in Part 2 here)

What Would Jesus Wear - Who Am I? (Part 2)

So as I left off in Part 1, I struggled with my gender identity. Of course back then I didn't know what gender identity was so I was just plain confused about everything and I had no way of getting answers because I didn't even know what questions to ask.  Now, I was born male, and I was fine with that. I didn't even know what transgender was at the time, and then when I learned about it, it was something I seriously considered, but I have decided that I'm not exactly transgendered since I still mostly identify with being male.

So yeah, I was a boy who wanted to be a boy, but the struggle was that I didn't fit in with the other boys. I wasn't built for sports and that seemed like the only thing my brother and all the other boys at my school wanted to do. I was awkward

"I Think, I Am A Man"

"Transition"

Poetry - I Think I Am A man

“I Think, That’s What Makes Me A Man”

Sometimes I forget to think,

Therefore I forget that I am.

I’m not sure if I know what it means to be a man.

Is existence something out of which I can blink?

Because I try to follow the rules to a tee.

I keep checking what’s on the checklist.

But a girl I still have yet to conquer -I mean kiss- 

And I’m not sure if I even want to be.

To be a man, I desire by definition

Of with whom I identify, but I question if that is really I.

Or if simply everything I’ve been told is a lie.

Because I am who I am and that’s a unique sensation.

I like Hot Wheels but not real cars.

I like ballet and being in the kitchen.

I don’t like contact sports or combat missions.

I don’t like princess dolls but I like astronauts chasing stars.

This is who I am, I think.

Therefore I know that I still am.

But I might not fit your definition of a man.

But watch as I still exist even if you blink.

Poetry - "Transition"

“Transition”
by David Wright

Once upon a time I believed in Fairy tales
In pirate patches and ships setting sail
In evil witches losing their magic powers
In freeing damsels locked in their towers
In knights jousting in their shining armor
In Cinderellas meeting their Prince Charmers

But now I know better because now I live
In the real world where people forgot how to forgive
There's more to a story than tradition
Since this world is always in transition
Even saints can be condemned as sinners
And sometimes losers become winners

Once upon a time I wanted to be a girl
To wear high heels and precious pearls
To be a princess with a pretty pink dress
To be proposed to by a prince and say yes
To have my wedding with white roses and vanilla cake
To have an album of all the photos I would take

I didn't want to play sports or wrestle in the dirt
I didn’t want to do anything where I could get hurt
I didn’t want to play with monster trucks
I wanted to play tea party with my stuffed ducks
I wanted to twirl around like a ballerina
I wanted to be pretty and smart just like Athena

Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls.
But that's not the only rule in the world.
Gender roles are chosen by our definitions
Not assigned like a military conscription.
You are free to be whoever you feel is true.
You get to write your own story. You do you.